Best Kisser Ever. Worst Tease.

It's not fair.
Last night, I saw Arkadiy again.

We talked and kissed a lot.
Then I was an idiot.
I brought up how guilty I was feeling about having two boys at once.
I feel weird, because I have never not been forced to choose between two guys. And in this situation, I haven't had to yet. Although Arkadiy started talking, and he admitted he knows who I am going to choose, when the time comes that I must. He knows it's Matt that I love.
And he can't handle that, he said. He said he is falling for me. And he doesn't want to get hurt.
So last night was, according to him, the last time we could do anything more than what friends do.
So I told him to kiss me like he would never get to kiss me again.
I think it was one of the best kisses I have ever experienced. Which did not help me stop thinking about how badly I want him.
I want him for more than just sex. I want to fall asleep in his arms. I want to wake up to his face.
I want to be cared for, and taken care of. That was supposed to happen this weekend.
Last night he said that this weekend is not going to happen. (He also mentioned today how difficult it will be for him to explain not screwing me to Julian and Kyle because apparently I am extremely good looking.)
He said he attaches too much meaning with sex, and so he would definitely fall for me if we slept together.
I just can't let this chance slip through my fingers. He makes me feel so happy and so good about myself, without even trying. He somehow always says the right thing.
So I told him, "Consider this weekend. Let loose, give in to your desires. Sure, it might hurt more in the long run, but don't you want this as badly as I do?"

He is still deliberating.

I'm going to go take a nap because I am exhausted and sick and I don't know what else to do right now. I'm very confused and stressed. Sleep should help.