It's over.

It's really over.

Julian and Arkadiy came by to chill with Liz and I for a while - we watched the breakfast club (there was an event - breakfast club screening in the TV lounge), then we came back up to our dorm and hung out.

We were all sitting on my bed, all four of us. We were talking, and I can't even remember what was said, but over the course of things, Arkadiy ended up taking my hand in his. I was confused, because he was the one who said we should not be like that anymore. I got really frustrated and said something stupid, and then admitted, "I'm feeling bitter! I need to go get a drink from the vending machine." and basically stormed out, just to get away from the situation.

I came back a little while later and felt like a complete ass. I didn't know what to say to Arkadiy, so I said nothing at all. Apparently that was exactly the wrong thing to do.
He got more pissed at me.
Liz went to bed eventually, and I showed Julian Team Fortress 2.

Then I sort of whispered to Arkadiy that I wanted us to talk about this before the night was over, so when Julian said he was leaving (around 2AM), Arkadiy said he was not leaving yet.

After Julian left (I walked him out, of course), Arkadiy and I talked for a while. I apologized and we got past it.
Then I finally said, "If you really want this to be over, then it is. After tonight, I will not bother you again."

He said that he still wants to talk to me, but whenever we are together in person, we always end up back where we started - and that showed that we cared too much about each other to keep this casual. He said he can't be with me because he knows I am in love with Matt. I understand where he's coming from. I still think we are worth a shot, but I am no longer going to argue. This is what he wants, so this is how it has to be.

We kissed and cuddled and messed around a bit (all because I was pushing it - if this was my last night to touch him, I wanted to make it worthwhile). He reluctantly said he had to go, and I walked him out.

I can't believe it's over. It never even got a chance to begin.