--Insert Angsty Title Here--

Every one of my roommates has asked me at least once or twice why I keep turning down every guy who wants to date me.
*Side note: I never knew how many guys were interested in serious relationships in college!*

Anyway, I am getting so sick of explaining this.
Today, when I was getting lunch at the student center with Alexa, she commented that Chris is really cute, and wondered aloud why I wasn't interested in him.

I've said it a million times.
In fact, I sometimes wish all of them could just read this blog (although that would probably not be a good thing, since this is quite a frank commentary on my life and the people in it.)
But whatever. It's frustrating, because every time someone asks, or calls me or tries to flirt, it just reminds me of the reason I don't want any of them.

(This is so redundant, but I feel compelled to say this again.)

The reason I can't have a normal college experience. The reason I don't want a normal college experience:

Matt.

***
And, worst of all,
No matter what, this thing with Matt is going to be difficult and painful.
We talked about it recently, and the damn kid won't let me be upset - he has to make even the worst situation funny:

Zachariah: I want to meet you. let me explain myself. I want all of my questions about you answered, and for some reason I have some delusional fantasy that they all will be as soon as I see your face in person, as soon as I touch you.
But they won't.
And I'm scared.

Matthew Michael: Why not?

Zachariah: ok. Here's how it will play out:
We meet. it's terrible. for some reason we don't click. it's awkward and uncomfortable. I leave and the whole thing ends right there, with me being heartbroken and you getting on with your life.
OR
We meet. and it's perfect.
And that's almost worse, because then everything that I have feared will be reaffirmed.
I will love you more than ever, and we will still be 1200 miles apart.
And I need to know which it will be.
But it's lose-lose.

Matthew Michael: Which one would you like?

Zachariah: what do you think? or rather... which would you prefer?

Matthew Michael: Neither
This is how it's going down...
We meet.
It's awesome.
so awesome...
The world explodes
The end.

Zachariah: not a choice.

Matthew Michael: Damn...

Zachariah: stick with this version of reality, please.

Matthew Michael: Alright
We meet
It's awesome
So awesome the world explodes
The end.

Zachariah: ...

Matthew Michael: Alright
Take 3:
We meet

Zachariah: matthew.

Matthew Michael: It's awesome
And we realize we're perfect for each other
Then
One of us caves in and transfers
Then I get locked in a tower and put under a sleeping spell that only my true love can break
Which is you

Zachariah: lol

Matthew Michael: Along the way, I meet 7 perky little midgets

Zachariah: Matt.

Matthew Michael: Who all work in accounting


***
I love him.
And maybe he's right to satirize it- there's no point in looking at the situation seriously, because there is no "good" solution.