I do think it was a huge sacrifice, and my heart goes out to all the people who died that day: those in the planes, and in the buildings, and any firefighters and anyone else. I also want to remember their families who miss them dearly, and that for them this friday is not just another day. I am sure there are plenty of graves being visited today. I cannot offer any words to lessen the pain, I can't say they died heroically, because they didn't choose death (don't get me wrong, I am sure there were plenty of heroes) that day; I can't say they died in service to this country, because they were just doing their everyday jobs when they were killed.
But I will say that they are loved.
I can't speak for the entire country.
I can't even knowingly speak for the families of those who died.
But I can speak for myself.
I didn't know them. I don't need to.
I can't say I would have liked all (or any) of them.
But all who died on that day are loved by me.
Just got this email:
'MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL'
You say you will never forget where you were when
you heard the news On September 11, 2001.
Neither will I.
I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room
with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I
held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the
peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it
is OK..I am ready to go.'
I was with his wife when he called as she fed
breakfast to their children. I held her up as she
tried to understand his words and as she realized
he wasn't coming home that night.
I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a
woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been
knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said.
'Of course I will show you the way home - only
believe in Me now.'
I was at the base of the building with the Priest
ministering to the injured and devastated souls.
I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He
heard my voice and answered.
I was on all four of those planes, in every seat,
with every prayer. I was with the crew as they
were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the
believers there, comforting and assuring them that their
faith has saved them.
I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan .
I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news.
Did you sense Me?
I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew
every name - though not all know Me. Some met Me
for the first time on the 86th floor.
Some sought Me with their last breath.
Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the
smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take
my hand.' Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me.
But, I was there.
I did not place you in the Tower that day. You
may not know why, but I do.. However, if you were
there in that explosive moment in time, would you have
reached for Me?
Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey
for you . But someday your journey will end. And I
will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may
be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are
'ready to go.'
I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.
***
I am so glad it's friday. I am just getting back in from my acting class. It was awful getting there today. I wore a skirt because I wanted to look cute (I've been pretty scrubby this week)...and it was raining, extremely cold, and windy as all hell. I was wet and freezing. I imagine I must have been quite entertaining to any passerby - first, I was wielding my umbrella bravely against the wind and rain in vain hope that it might keep me dry. The only thing it did was give me more to struggle with - I was fighting with the wind to keep the umbrella from turning inside-out!! The wind made the rain come down at an angle, so the umbrella was virtually useless. Also, anyone who's worn flipflops on a wet day knows what happens - the water and muck on the ground got flung up all over the back of my legs. It was simultaneously funny and terrible.
So I am now chillin in my dorm room, with a comfy, dry, warm pair of sweatpants on. I don't have another class until noon, and then after that one, I am done for today. The only thing left is a research study that I am participating in - it's extra credit for chem class, and I am sure I will need it! Going to a movie with Liz after that.
***
I just thought about another part of my conversation with Matt on wednseday night/thursday morning:
[9/10/2009 2:50:08 AM] Zachariah: I love you.
[9/10/2009 2:50:10 AM] Zachariah: so much.
[9/10/2009 2:50:16 AM] Matthew Michael: I want to hold your hand
[9/10/2009 2:50:23 AM] Zachariah: you don't have to say anything back
[9/10/2009 2:50:23 AM] Matthew Michael: Just to touch your skin
[9/10/2009 2:50:33 AM] Matthew Michael: To hug you
[9/10/2009 2:50:35 AM] Matthew Michael: Tightly
***
I was just sitting here, comfy and warm, when I realized that something is missing from this situation - I could be perfectly happy right now...
...If only he was here to wrap his arms around me. Tightly.
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