Fuck this.

Arkadiy said it was over. I agreed to this.

Then I decided that if we aren't going to see each other in person, we shouldn't waste our time talking through texts or over the internet either - why not just cut out all communication completely? It will help him get over me faster, which was the point of us not hanging out in person.

My sorrow from last night has grown into anger very quickly. I am annoyed.
And I looked to Matt for support - I texted him this morning.

-I love you Matt. I want you to hold me in your arms and make everything right in the world.
-What's the matter?
-Stuff that I shouldn't tell you about. But I love you and I need to be reminded that you love me.
-Emma, no matter what happens between us, I will always love you, no matter what. You're stuck with me forever.

*When I read that message, tears came to my eyes.*

-Thankyou. I will always love you too. You said exactly what I needed to hear. I hate the distance between us.
-You and me both. Are you in class right now?
-I just got out. But I am about to go to another class. What's up?
-Was just going to talk. Sounded like you needed to.
-I do need to. Can we talk tonight?
-Sure. Just text me.
-thankyou. I love you. I will talk to you later.

***


He is amazing. I love him. I am so stupid for losing track of myself with Arkadiy.

And now Arkadiy wants to meet up tonight.
He was very cryptic, just said he wants to talk. But he made it seem like he regrets his decision to stop seeing me. He said, "I'm an idiot" and he also said, "Let's see what happens tonight."

I was distant, and I have already made my decision: even if he asks if we can try again, the answer is no. He had his chance. He screwed up. Too bad.


***
I love you, Matt.